EL PASO, Texas (Border Report) – Old wounds bled anew inside a West Texas courtroom where relatives of those who died in a 2019 mass shooting told a federal judge how the loss of their loved ones tore apart their lives.

“It’s hard to put into words what I’m dealing with,” said Kathy Johnson, the widow of David Johnson, one of the 23 people killed at an El Paso Walmart on the morning of Aug. 3, 2019. “This tragedy has shattered me in every way: mentally, physically, and emotionally. Some days I cannot even get out of bed.”

David Johnson was one of 23 people fatally shot at the Walmart near Cielo Vista Mall. He was gunned down by Patrick Wood Crusius while reportedly protecting his wife and 9-year-old granddaughter.

Senior U.S. Federal District Judge David C. Guaderrama on Wednesday heard from the widow and about a dozen relatives of the victims during the sentencing phase of Crusius’ trial. Investigators said the North Texas resident procured an automatic rifle and drove 10 hours to El Paso with the intent of “killing Mexicans.”

Crusius in February pleaded guilty to 90 federal hate-crime charges and is expected to be sentenced by Guaderrama to 90 consecutive life terms in prison. His state murder trial is pending.

Crusius appeared detached from the proceedings – at times moving sideways in his swivel chair and at other times rocking back and forth. He sat in handcuffs in the courtroom while relatives of the victims told him how they felt.  At one point, one of the witnesses lashed at him saying, “roll your eyes if you want, it doesn’t bother me.”

Some witnesses said they felt deeply hurt but found relief from their anger through their faith in God and the support of their family.

“I cannot have anger, that’s not what your son needs to learn,” said Gilbert Anchondo, brother of murder victim Andre Anchondo.

Some said they don’t even mention Crusius’ name when they talk amongst themselves about the tragedy.

“If you knew the Lord, you would not have done that and hurt so many families,” said Bertha Patricia Benavides, the widow of Arturo Benavides. “It will take a long time to recover from this loss. You left children without their parents, wives without their husbands. […] Why did you do it?”

But others were not so forgiving.

A male relative of Johnson cussed at Crusius and at his family. “You monster. You have taken away my freedom. I cannot go to a public area without looking for places to hide if a (expletive deleted) psycho like you comes in,” the relative said.

Others told him he failed in his “mission” to stop the Hispanic invasion of Texas, a statement that investigators said he made in an online manifesto. Most of his victims were U.S.-born citizens, one was a German and Johnson was “a NASCAR-watching, bass-fishing white man,” according to Wednesday’s testimony.

The sentencing hearing continues on Thursday.