(NewsNation) — Paulina Porizkova had a life that most people dream of, but the reality was far from glamorous.

The supermodel is now removing the filters and opening up about her separation from late rock star Ric Ocasek in a new book “No Filter: The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful.”

Porizkova revealed Monday on “Banfield” that she still cared for Ocasek, after being separated from him. She was openly dating someone else when Ocasek died in September 2019. Porizkova learned that she was cut out of his will, and to this day says it’s “puzzling” as to why.

“Ric was very aware about … the men that I was dating,” Porizkova said on “Banfield.” “Rick accepted certain gifts, of illegal substance, in New York, that came from my boyfriend … I mean, we would go out to dinners together, where we went out as two single people. And I would be flirting with men, and he would be off talking to the ladies.”